Life is Good - Oh Really!

I have been criticized on more than one occasion for being an eternal optimist. That may be true at some level, but I know as well as anyone that Life is Hard. Our journey from cradle to the grave is filled with challenges, hardships and numberless sorrows. I have seen starving children in Africa and Central America, counseled men and woman whose families have been torn asunder by divorce, and sat in the hospital as the doctors told a mother that her four-year old child had died.

I have been known to wallow in self-pity and bemoan the hardships of life. I lifted my eyes to heaven and cried, "Why Me?" and buried my head in my hands and pleaded, "God, help me this one last time." So why would God allow me to suffer through a divorce, losing my job, and betrayal by close friends? - He was preparing me for something greater than myself.

I do not know why the potter shapes the clay the way he does. He presses and prods, twists and distorts until there is a beautiful finished product. Jeremiah didn 't always appreciate the tragedy and hardship he faced in his life! Hosea's heart was torn from him time and again as he struggled to serve his Lord and King. Paul was beaten with rods, shipwreck and cast into a cold, dark prison cell. In every case God was shaping them for service.

God has shaped me into a very different man than I was 10 years ago. I believe that through hardships and struggles he has made me more compassionate, more understanding, more empathetic, and more forgiving. He has smoothed many a rough edge and caused me to reflect on my own inabilty to cope (I must have God in my life to survive).

In hindsight I can now see some of God's plan in my life. God used my life to prepare me for a very different work. He moved me to the foot of the table and placed me in the roll of a servant. LIFE IS GOOD! Not because it is easy, but because God is with me.

Back to Basics

Like most people involved in ministry, I try to read the right books, stay on top of the latest technology and be on the cutting edge of of new trends. With all the research, ideologies and methodologies that are available, it amazes me how often the most effect concepts can be find in basic principles we all know. Allow me to share a few:

1. Love one another. It was Jesus who reminded us, "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13:35). People may not understand all the tenants of the Bible, they may struggle with their perceptions of God, creation, and even moral standards, but one thing they can identify with right off the bat is a loving community. When people know they are loved, then we can teach them, lead them and guide them in their understanding and relationship with God.

2. Do Something. I have seen so many congregations crippled by their inability to act. "We tried that before," or "that won't work in this this congregation," keeps members from doing anything productive. I don't recall who said it, but the quote goes something like this: "Those who never make any mistakes, never make anything." Jesus understood this when he said, "We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day: night is coming, when no one can work" (John 9:4).

3. Watch your tongue. The tongue is crippling in a congregation. It is the single most powerful force for good - or evil. James calls the tongue, "a fire, a world of iniquity" (James 3:6). I recall a situation where I was visiting a congregation in Texas. I was fashioned in all my sartorial splendor, when a good sister came up and said, "You must be a visitor because no one wears a suit around here." Now I was able to laugh it off - but imagine making a visitor feel unwelcome because of what they wear.

All of these things are basic truths we should all know. What a diffrence it makes when we take the time to remember the basics.

Blended, Mended & Tended

It hardly feels like six years have passed since I went through the pain and heartache of divorce. I never dreamed the day would come when I would look back and say, "thank you God for the valleys," but my Father has the amazing ability to turn tragedy into triumph.

There is still a stigma that goes with being divorced - even scriptural divorces. One of the largest hurdles I had to overcome was a sense of failure. I no longer believed that I was qaulified to actively lead in the local church. I withdrew from teaching Bible classes, preaching and engaging myself in the local work. Much of this was self-imposed, some of it was the way I was percieved and treated by others.

We have a responsibility to provide healing to those who are hurting. Many are fearful of ministering to blended families because of the Biblical and emotional challenges that come in dealing with multiple marriages. Part of our mission is to call sinners to repentance (whatever state we find them in).

Blended: I am not sure I am comfortable with the term "blended families." We love to label things. We seem to find comfort in attaching a name to everything (too often a politically correct name). It is a challenge to bring two established families together. You have two value systems, two sets of ingrained habits, two sets of children. In the end those values and practices have to become one. One family, one set of objectives, one value system. It is especially important in the church to be inclusive of all our families (blended families, single parent families, etc.). In creating an environment of acceptance, we invite them into the larger family of God.

Mended: There are so many hurts that come through divorce. Having been through it, I would encourage everyone to be sure that divorce is your final option. Exhaust every avenue of counseling, support groups, prayer and restoration workshops. I have seen far too many adults who have never recovered from the betrayal, heartache and pain of divorce, but for all we experience as adults the destructive nature it has on children can never be fully measured. The family of God is a place for healing. There is great value at times in being broken, but there is also a need to heal. Like any good 12 step program, I believe part of my own mending process has been the need to help others along their journey to renewal and restoration.

Tended: Shepherds are supposed to tend the flock. They can do this directly and they can do this by providing services that help our members. Six years have passed. I am happily married, I have a great family, but at times I still feel the sting. I may run across something I wrote a decade ago about my family, see the effects on my children, or simply mourn over that period of my life. I find comfort in a Christian family who has supported and embraced me without exception. I am not the divorced guy, or remarried, or blended. I am just another servant in the kingdom who is fully accepted by my family.

Far too often our efforts to help those who are hurting are filled with good intentions, but grounded in bad pyschology. We tell people, "don't worry things will get better," or "you just need to get on with your life." Easy to say when you are not the one whose life is unraveling in front of your eyes.

I had two friends who understood mending and tending better than anyone I have ever known. They would take me to lunch just to talk and visit. They treated it like they would any other brother or sister. No questions about how I was doing, no empty platitudes, simply friends being friends. They loved me through the toughest times of my life by treating me the way they always treated me. Their actions said, "you are the same guy we have always known and loved." To them I wasn't fragile, I wasn't broken, I was just their friend.

Tools of the Trade

Every profession has tools that are essential to doing a good job. When I was a kid, I would use a pair of pliers to remove the bolts on my bicycle. My father would remind me to use the right tool for the right job - then hand me an adjustable wrench.

Ministry has changed in the last 25 years. I remember using a hand cranked mimeograph machine to produce church bulletins. I thought putting transparencies on an overhead projector was high tech and will never forget how excited I was when the evangelistic film strips I used were converted to video tape.

Today we are blessed with a host of technological advances. Blackberries, I-Phones and a host of web-based resources. Recently I was reminded of a couple of tools that I believe would be very helpful to those of you in ministry. My friend Shawn Mathis has developed a social network for ministry entitled, The Minister Group. If you are involved in preaching or ministry of any kind I would encourage you to register and participate in the growth of this effort. Shawn has a great track record of successful ventures and I believe that his too will prove to be a great resource.

http://www.theministergroup.com/

In addition, Vista Print is a great resource for small run printed items, business cards, postcards, brochures, etc. I recently joined their resellers program and found that I can help others get great discounts on their printing needs. For more information, you can visit them at:

http://www.vistaprint.com/

or you can contact me at trent.wheeler@charter.net

Making Memories

Wow, just a couple of days until Christmas. Last night a friend posted a note asking about the best Christmas gift I ever received. I tried long and hard to remember the "STUFF" I have received through the years. I am grateful for all of it, but nothing jumped out as my favorite.

As I tried to think back I had a different experience. I remembered events, times shared together, special memories from Christmas. I remember the smell of my mom's chocolate spritz cookies, I remember having water gun fights in the house, I remember Tristan and Alyssa dressing up as pirates just last Christmas day.

I know my family will appreciate the gifts I buy them - they are always good that way. What I really want to give my family for Christmas are memories. I want them to look back and laugh and cry, to remember the fun we shared and memories we made together.

My Atari gaming system has gone the way of the dinosaurs! The skittle bowl set that I couldn't live without entertained me for a couple of months (at best) and even the Legos I played with for years and years have now been outgrown. What will never leave me is the sound of mom's voice on Christmas morning, wrestling in the basement with my brothers and watching sapping Christmas movies over and over again.

Now that all the shopping is over, the hustle and bustle of cleaning, wrapping and preparing is coming to head; stop and make some memories with your children. Take them to Opryland Hotel to see the Christmas lights, rent a funny movie that makes you laugh till you cry, play board games or go for hike around Radnor Lake. Be sure this Christmas to give the gift that will reside in the heart of your family forever.

It's a Wonderful Life

Life happens to everyone. God is no respecter of persons and we all understand that He allows the rain to fall on the just and unjust. There is not one of us whose life is free from cares, worries and struggles.

How many times have we looked at the lives of others and wanted to trade places. I wish I was as happy as Linda or as affluent as Bob. Linda and Bob have their own cares and worries, we just don't see them on the surface. It was Henry David Thoreau who said, "the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."

I grew up in a house with a lot of boys and a lot turmoil. If there are special rewards in heaven, my mother will be at the top of the list. She not only provided support, encouragement and a loving environment, she left me with memories to last my lifetime as well. As the holidays approach, those are the memories I cling to and those are the memories I want to create for my own children. My memories include watching the Thanksgiving Day Parades, laughing together at Christmas movies and fighting over the chocolate spritz cookies.

Yes, sometimes life deals to us from the bottom of the deck and the sun doesn't come out and shine, but it truly is a wonderful life - if you choose to make it so!!!

Mistakes I've Made

I keep the poem, "Man in the Glass" on the inside cover of my Bible. It is a reminder that regardless of what everyone else in the world might think, I have to live a life of integrity. That doesn't mean that I don't make mistakes (I make plenty), but that I take responsibility for them.

During some of the most challenging years of my life I was part of a men's study group that helped keep me accountable. It was a place where we could bring our problems, our cares, even our struggle with sin and know that we would recieve support while still being held accountable for our behavior.

The church is supposed to be that safe place. That means that God's people have to learn the difficult balance between holding people accountable for their behavior and providing the love, mercy and support they need to grow.

I recall a situation years ago where a young lady refused to "come forward" for sins she had committed in her life. She had seen other young people treated so badly after repenting that she wanted no part of it. The very people who should have held her in their tender arms became her judge and jury.

I always struggle with where to lay the blame. When we mess up in life we need to simply ask forgiveness and move forward. When others come to us with a penitent spirit we need to forgive and support them. Some will blame the church for an environment that isn't forgiving, others will blame individuals who will not be accountable for their mistakes. The truth is that both things are true. We make it easier when we create the right kind of culture in the church, but we also contribute to that kind of environment when, as individuals, we are open and honest about our own struggles and mistakes.

AMATEURS

I need to thank my good friend Dale Jenkins for inspiring this post. In a sermon Sunday morning he made reference to an amateur as a person who does something for pleasure rather than profit. While that may no longer be true of the Olympic athlete - it is true of a lot of people in this world. This post is a celebration of those who still play for the love of the game. Those who grab life with all its joys and sorrows and make the world a better place. These are my heroes.

There was the elder who always came by and patted me on the back and told me what a good job I was doing. He always seemed to know when I was feeling down.

There is the husband and wife who used to take me lunch during the darkest days of my life, just to be friends and support me.

There are the ladies who never get public recognition for visiting the sick, carrying meals to the hungry, or sending a card to the bereaved.

There is invisible multitude who daily encourage their children, serve our master on foriegn soil, bear the burdens of brethren, pray for the weak, and engage in limitless good works.

In the past I have heard people say, "Oh, he is just an amateur." We need more amateurs in the kingdom. Today I surrender my professional license! I am looking forward to joining the multitudes who do God's will for the pure joy of service.

Bridging the Gap

I will always recall one of my Bible teachers telling us, "boys you have to learn to preach across the gap." Of course we struggled to understand what Brother Carr was talking about. His response has stayed with me all these years, "Boys, you are going to have to learn early on that you can't live perfect lives, but you have to preach a perfect gospel. Sometimes that means you have to preach lessons that are mighty close to home.

There are places in our lives where we all have to preach across the gap. It is hard to train and correct our children when they throw our own failures and inadequecies up in our face. In teaching a Bible class we sometimes have to deal with topics that haven't quite mastered in our own lives. Some people may call this hypocrisy, but the truth is that we are called to "preach the whole counsel of God" (Acts 20:27).

Recently I have been facilitating a men's study/prayer group on Monday mornings. It is a thrill to have a such a great group of men who are committed to starting their week with Christ. Our current topic of discussion is Patrick Morley's book, "The Man in the Mirror." The title alone illustrates how hard it is to facilitate this discussion. Reading each chapter and trying to evaluate my own life is painful at times. I know the lessons we share on Monday are helping me, challenging me, but sometimes it is like a doctor probing around for an abcess. When he finds the troubled area - it doesn't feel very good.

Preachers aren't the only ones who have to cross that chasm. We all have the difficult challenge of living what we believe and teach. That should also remind us of the importance of showing some grace and understanding to those who walk in leadership positions. They don't live perfect lives, but like the rest of us, they pursue that perfect pattern.

Learning to Give

In most churches our education on giving is limited to two areas: 1) Financial giving and 2) using our talents. We talk of stewardship and that everything belongs to God, but I have heard few lessons that give practical examples of how to be a good steward. Here are a few examples of alternatives to writing a check, that demonstrate good stewardship.

1. Economic Stimulus Act of 2008. This law which was passed on October 3rd and allows individual s 70 1/2 and older to have their IRA withdrawals transferred directly to a charitable organization (or church) with no tax penalty. By using this method it allows a Christian to give 25% to 30% more by avoiding tax penalties.

2. Appreciated Assets. ANY appreciated asset (land, stocks, personal property) that is transferred directly to a charity avoids the capital gains tax. While not many of us want to move stocks or investments right now, a donation of land that has appreciated value allows the donor to avoid capital gains.

3. Estate planning. There are so many ways that Christians can give to God through their estate. There areCharitable Remainder Trusts, Charitable Lead Trusts, Gift Annuities and other estate planning options. The real beauty of wise estate planning is that you can actually give more to your family and the church while avoiding giving that money to Uncle Sam.

If this information is helpful to you, or you would like to learn more about how you can help your church or favorite charity, please feel free to contact me via email or phone and I will be happy to help you with the specifics.