Veritas

I hadn't been preaching long when an older brother pulled me aside after a sermon to gently correct me. My intentions had been good, but my application of a particular passage of scripture was not accurate. He did not belittle me, or condemn me for the mistake, he humbly corrected me and went on to be a great encouragement to me in ministry.

Our culture is so concerned with political correctness that we are afraid to speak truth into the lives of others. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, it is unloving if we are plain spoken concerning sin. I have to stop and wonder if the reason our society has deteriorated is because so few have the courage to say, sexual immorality is sin; filling our hearts and minds with movies and music that lead us away from Christ is sin; compromising our values concerning the work and worship of the church is sin.

I am not suggesting that we are hateful or unloving in how we present truth. It should always been done in a spirit of meekness and loving kindness. Our desire should be for the good of others, not with the self-righteous indignation displayed by the Pharisees.

My children don't always like it when I call them to accountability for their actions. At times they are frustrated and angry that my standards and expectations for them are set higher than the world. I believe that God has called me to speak truth into the lives of my children whether they are happy with me or not.

But, who speaks truth into my life? Who holds me accountable? Who do I trust to tell me the hard truths about myself? We all need someone like that in our lives. We need brothers and sisters in Christ who love us enough to say, "your behavior is troubling, your conduct is unacceptable, the path you are walking is leading you away from Christ."

Are you open to allowing others to speak truth into your life?

Lighten Up.

A cheerful heart is good like medicine (Proverbs 17:22)

Jane Austen once wrote, "What do we live for but to make sport for our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn." I was reminded today of just how important a laugh or smile can be in lightening our day. I was visiting an old workplace, when a friend reminded me of a prank that had the entire staff in stitches for days.

Looking back at my own life, I have had more than my share of moments when I amused my neighbors (even when that wasn't my intent). There was the time I quoted from the "American Standard Virgin," of the New Testament, or another occasion when I quoted the great philosopher - Socrates (but I pronounced it So Crates). You would have needed to see the Bill & Ted movies to understand.

There are so many funny occassions in ministry that I thought I would remind you of a few, and maybe you can share a few of your own. There was the time a co-worker was standing in the restroom, holding up his blackberry checking his schedule when another worker came in and said, "That is taking multi-tasking too far."

Or, how many times have ministers forgotten to turn off their cordless microphones during private conversations, or trips to bathroom?

One Sunday night I traveled over 150 miles to preach, only to learn that I was scheduled for the following Sunday (yes, they did let me preach that night).

We all need to lighten up and learn to laugh at ourselves. Someone once told me, "If it will be funny later, then lighten up and let it be funny now." How great is it when we can laugh at our weaknesses and missteps rather than be defensive of them.

So whatever else happens today, try to laugh about it. Turn it over to God, and turn your rainy day into a ray of sunshine for someone else.

Why & Wherefore

In science we learn the laws of cause and effect, in human nature we need to learn the laws of why and wherefore. Just as every effect has an adequate cause, every wherefore has an adequate why. All that to say, people do things for reasons and it would serve us well sometimes to stop and ask ourselves why?

• Why did my boss ignore my proposal?
• Why did my spouse snap at me for no apparant reason?
• Why are the kids so grumpy this morning.

Understanding the why behind human behavior can often make a challenging situation much better. If I realize that this is the week that our corporate 990's have to be filed, it makes more sense that my proposal hasn't received much attention. If the kids only slept for 2 hours and haven't had breakfast I am surprised that they are only grumpy and not killing one another.

Sometimes we are too quick to judge the motives and even the actions of others. I am not suggesting that we excuse bad behavior, or adopt the philosophy of situational ethics, just that we strive to have an understanding spirit. What a difference it makes when our character is strong enough to follow Jesus' instructions:

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." (Matthew 5:43-48)

We become most like Jesus when we love those who are unloveable, forgive those who sin against us, and pray for those who do us wrong.

Transformed

This week I was reminded of the words of Paul "to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God for this is your spiritual service. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will" (Romans 12:1, 2).

In the next few days the movie Transformers 2 is probably going to break box office records. I was one of those eager to go see the movie until I overheard a friend mention the strong sexual overtones in the film. Concerned I went to Plugged In only to have my worst fears confirmed. The reviewers had this (and much more) to say about the film, "The first time the Transformers motored into theaters, Plugged In was dismayed by the film's sexual content. This time around, we're appalled." The next seven paragraphs described sexual inuendo, inappropriate dress, suggestive comments and a very open and course attitude towards the entire topic of sex. I understand there is one particularly graphic scene in the movie that is not appropriate for children (of any age).

My point is not to provide a movie review, but to return to Paul's words about "being transformed." Clearly Hollywood's goal is to transform our minds into garbage cans filled with filth and immorality. There is no doubt in my mind that Satan has taken the action thriller of the summer (that every kid wants to see) and has used it to fill their minds with the idea that sex is fun, appealing, appropriate and acceptable - a stark contrast to what Paul tells us in Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."

Plugged In is a great website for reviewing the content of movies and videos. I have always cautioned my children about putting drugs in their body, but at times I haven't been as diligent about the things they put in their mind. Transformers has reminded me of how important it is that we remain diligent.

WORDS

This week I was reminded why words are so powerful, destructive, encouraging, and dangerous. Everything we say, type, text or email has multiple contexts. Most of us have heard the illustration about the man who shouts, "YES, I LOVE YOU!" at his wife. His words say one thing, but the context says something completely different.

Twice in the same day I let my words get away with me. In both cases I should have known better. In the first instance I should have picked up the phone because email is cold and impersonal. In the second, the words had hardly passed my lips that I regretted saying them.

Whether it is marriage, a friendship or working relationships we just can't be too careful when it comes to the words we communicate. I recall a few years back when I got a very stern and "matter of fact" email from a business associate. I was deeply concerned that I had offended him and damaged our relationship for years to come. A few days later when I got up the courage to ask about the situation I learned that he wasn't upset, troubled or irritated with me in any way - it simply was sent in the cold, emotionless sphere of the internet.

So, how does context effect our communication? Here are just a few examples:

1. The tone of my voice or my body language may contradict what I am saying. My wife and children assure me that my eyes often betray my words.
2. Emails leave lots of room for interpretation. Rarely is the tone or emotion correctly communicated.
3. The sender may have sent what would have been a harmless email but it followed other correspondence that left the reader wondering. For example, if I am negotiating a difficult situation with a colleague and tensions are high, anything I write will be read in that context.
4. The recipient of the communication may have received it after having a bad day. Have you ever wondered why someone would over-react by a seemingly harmless comment. It was received at a bad time.
5. The recipient of the communication may have heard something similar in another context. If my boss spent all day questioning my work, I may take offense to something as simple as, "Honey, are you going to take the garbage out tonight." What may be intended to be a simple, honest question might be perceived as a criticism after a hard day.

What is the answer? If I never know how I am going to be perceived? If innocent words can be considered harsh criticisms? If a simple request is going to become an unreasonable demand, what am I to do?

* Apologize immediately! Even if you didn't mean to be offensive, a quick and sincere apology goes a long way.
* Don't get defensive! "I didn't mean anything by it. You are just too sensitive. I can't believe you twist my words that way." Those are all sure fire phrases to get you in trouble.
* Reassure the other person. I am sorry my words offended you. I value your friendship and it is not my desire to do any harm. Please forgive me.
* Be sincere and genuine. Comments like, "I am sorry you misjudged my words," or "I'm sorry I can never do anything right around you," are not sincere apologies. They are carefully crafted phrases intended to throw the blame back on the person who is hurt or offended.

These things are always easy (especially when we sincerely meant no harm), but that doesn't change the other person's perspective. We will never craft all our words perfectly, but that is why humility and forgiveness are such precious gifts.

Pride goes before destruction . . .

Most of us are aware of the words of the wise man, "Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall" (Prov. 16:18). Pride is one of the most insideous of sins. It creeps into our life without notice and then robs us of our influence, example and character.

Someone wisely said, "To truly know a man, watch how he handles success rather than failure. When we fail, our pride supports us, but when we succeed, it betrays us." I have little trouble being humble when life is hard. I am reminded of just how dependent I am on God and how little I can do without Him. It has always been in my successes that my character is most challenged. I tend to get a little too big for my britches, but God is quick to size me up.

Throughout the Bible we have seen the tragic effects of pride. Moses was not allowed ot enter the promise land because of pride; Nebuchadnezzer lost his kingdom because of pride, and Peter denied Christ because he was just so sure he couldn't fall.

Working in the mission field for the past couple of decades I have seen our brethren ruin good men and good works because of pride. We prop men up, we drape them in praise and glory and then wonder why they think they are more important than the work they are doing. I have seen far too many godly men destroyed because their successes betrayed them. I have often prayed for God to keep me humble, but I have not always liked the manner in which that prayer is answered.

A study of church history will quickly remind us that the church prospers in adversity. While I don't wish persecution or hardship on the people of God - there is a sense in which we must always labor for the kingdom. Our commitment to God can be measured in our toil, sweat and tears. May God always challenge our faith, bring us growth through struggles and hardship, and bless us because of our meek and contrite hearts.

Life is Good - Oh Really!

I have been criticized on more than one occasion for being an eternal optimist. That may be true at some level, but I know as well as anyone that Life is Hard. Our journey from cradle to the grave is filled with challenges, hardships and numberless sorrows. I have seen starving children in Africa and Central America, counseled men and woman whose families have been torn asunder by divorce, and sat in the hospital as the doctors told a mother that her four-year old child had died.

I have been known to wallow in self-pity and bemoan the hardships of life. I lifted my eyes to heaven and cried, "Why Me?" and buried my head in my hands and pleaded, "God, help me this one last time." So why would God allow me to suffer through a divorce, losing my job, and betrayal by close friends? - He was preparing me for something greater than myself.

I do not know why the potter shapes the clay the way he does. He presses and prods, twists and distorts until there is a beautiful finished product. Jeremiah didn 't always appreciate the tragedy and hardship he faced in his life! Hosea's heart was torn from him time and again as he struggled to serve his Lord and King. Paul was beaten with rods, shipwreck and cast into a cold, dark prison cell. In every case God was shaping them for service.

God has shaped me into a very different man than I was 10 years ago. I believe that through hardships and struggles he has made me more compassionate, more understanding, more empathetic, and more forgiving. He has smoothed many a rough edge and caused me to reflect on my own inabilty to cope (I must have God in my life to survive).

In hindsight I can now see some of God's plan in my life. God used my life to prepare me for a very different work. He moved me to the foot of the table and placed me in the roll of a servant. LIFE IS GOOD! Not because it is easy, but because God is with me.

Back to Basics

Like most people involved in ministry, I try to read the right books, stay on top of the latest technology and be on the cutting edge of of new trends. With all the research, ideologies and methodologies that are available, it amazes me how often the most effect concepts can be find in basic principles we all know. Allow me to share a few:

1. Love one another. It was Jesus who reminded us, "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13:35). People may not understand all the tenants of the Bible, they may struggle with their perceptions of God, creation, and even moral standards, but one thing they can identify with right off the bat is a loving community. When people know they are loved, then we can teach them, lead them and guide them in their understanding and relationship with God.

2. Do Something. I have seen so many congregations crippled by their inability to act. "We tried that before," or "that won't work in this this congregation," keeps members from doing anything productive. I don't recall who said it, but the quote goes something like this: "Those who never make any mistakes, never make anything." Jesus understood this when he said, "We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day: night is coming, when no one can work" (John 9:4).

3. Watch your tongue. The tongue is crippling in a congregation. It is the single most powerful force for good - or evil. James calls the tongue, "a fire, a world of iniquity" (James 3:6). I recall a situation where I was visiting a congregation in Texas. I was fashioned in all my sartorial splendor, when a good sister came up and said, "You must be a visitor because no one wears a suit around here." Now I was able to laugh it off - but imagine making a visitor feel unwelcome because of what they wear.

All of these things are basic truths we should all know. What a diffrence it makes when we take the time to remember the basics.

Blended, Mended & Tended

It hardly feels like six years have passed since I went through the pain and heartache of divorce. I never dreamed the day would come when I would look back and say, "thank you God for the valleys," but my Father has the amazing ability to turn tragedy into triumph.

There is still a stigma that goes with being divorced - even scriptural divorces. One of the largest hurdles I had to overcome was a sense of failure. I no longer believed that I was qaulified to actively lead in the local church. I withdrew from teaching Bible classes, preaching and engaging myself in the local work. Much of this was self-imposed, some of it was the way I was percieved and treated by others.

We have a responsibility to provide healing to those who are hurting. Many are fearful of ministering to blended families because of the Biblical and emotional challenges that come in dealing with multiple marriages. Part of our mission is to call sinners to repentance (whatever state we find them in).

Blended: I am not sure I am comfortable with the term "blended families." We love to label things. We seem to find comfort in attaching a name to everything (too often a politically correct name). It is a challenge to bring two established families together. You have two value systems, two sets of ingrained habits, two sets of children. In the end those values and practices have to become one. One family, one set of objectives, one value system. It is especially important in the church to be inclusive of all our families (blended families, single parent families, etc.). In creating an environment of acceptance, we invite them into the larger family of God.

Mended: There are so many hurts that come through divorce. Having been through it, I would encourage everyone to be sure that divorce is your final option. Exhaust every avenue of counseling, support groups, prayer and restoration workshops. I have seen far too many adults who have never recovered from the betrayal, heartache and pain of divorce, but for all we experience as adults the destructive nature it has on children can never be fully measured. The family of God is a place for healing. There is great value at times in being broken, but there is also a need to heal. Like any good 12 step program, I believe part of my own mending process has been the need to help others along their journey to renewal and restoration.

Tended: Shepherds are supposed to tend the flock. They can do this directly and they can do this by providing services that help our members. Six years have passed. I am happily married, I have a great family, but at times I still feel the sting. I may run across something I wrote a decade ago about my family, see the effects on my children, or simply mourn over that period of my life. I find comfort in a Christian family who has supported and embraced me without exception. I am not the divorced guy, or remarried, or blended. I am just another servant in the kingdom who is fully accepted by my family.

Far too often our efforts to help those who are hurting are filled with good intentions, but grounded in bad pyschology. We tell people, "don't worry things will get better," or "you just need to get on with your life." Easy to say when you are not the one whose life is unraveling in front of your eyes.

I had two friends who understood mending and tending better than anyone I have ever known. They would take me to lunch just to talk and visit. They treated it like they would any other brother or sister. No questions about how I was doing, no empty platitudes, simply friends being friends. They loved me through the toughest times of my life by treating me the way they always treated me. Their actions said, "you are the same guy we have always known and loved." To them I wasn't fragile, I wasn't broken, I was just their friend.