Why & Wherefore

In science we learn the laws of cause and effect, in human nature we need to learn the laws of why and wherefore. Just as every effect has an adequate cause, every wherefore has an adequate why. All that to say, people do things for reasons and it would serve us well sometimes to stop and ask ourselves why?

• Why did my boss ignore my proposal?
• Why did my spouse snap at me for no apparant reason?
• Why are the kids so grumpy this morning.

Understanding the why behind human behavior can often make a challenging situation much better. If I realize that this is the week that our corporate 990's have to be filed, it makes more sense that my proposal hasn't received much attention. If the kids only slept for 2 hours and haven't had breakfast I am surprised that they are only grumpy and not killing one another.

Sometimes we are too quick to judge the motives and even the actions of others. I am not suggesting that we excuse bad behavior, or adopt the philosophy of situational ethics, just that we strive to have an understanding spirit. What a difference it makes when our character is strong enough to follow Jesus' instructions:

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." (Matthew 5:43-48)

We become most like Jesus when we love those who are unloveable, forgive those who sin against us, and pray for those who do us wrong.

Mistakes I've Made

I keep the poem, "Man in the Glass" on the inside cover of my Bible. It is a reminder that regardless of what everyone else in the world might think, I have to live a life of integrity. That doesn't mean that I don't make mistakes (I make plenty), but that I take responsibility for them.

During some of the most challenging years of my life I was part of a men's study group that helped keep me accountable. It was a place where we could bring our problems, our cares, even our struggle with sin and know that we would recieve support while still being held accountable for our behavior.

The church is supposed to be that safe place. That means that God's people have to learn the difficult balance between holding people accountable for their behavior and providing the love, mercy and support they need to grow.

I recall a situation years ago where a young lady refused to "come forward" for sins she had committed in her life. She had seen other young people treated so badly after repenting that she wanted no part of it. The very people who should have held her in their tender arms became her judge and jury.

I always struggle with where to lay the blame. When we mess up in life we need to simply ask forgiveness and move forward. When others come to us with a penitent spirit we need to forgive and support them. Some will blame the church for an environment that isn't forgiving, others will blame individuals who will not be accountable for their mistakes. The truth is that both things are true. We make it easier when we create the right kind of culture in the church, but we also contribute to that kind of environment when, as individuals, we are open and honest about our own struggles and mistakes.