On Preachers & Preaching

There are days I miss standing before a group of worshippers being able to share messages of hope and encouragement, then there are days I am reminded that serving a church is not an easy job. There are discouragements, frustrations and disappointments. There are people and personalities that will lift you to the heavens and others that will bring you to your knees in prayer.

This week I was reminded just how hard it can be to stand before 500 critics, live in a glass house, or try to love the unloveable. You paste on your best smile, you greet friends and detractors with the same loving concern, but inside your stomach is turning upside down and you head pounds as you struggle to remain a light in moments of darkness.

All that being said, the roll of leadership requires greater discretion, thicker skin, and more temperance and understanding than almost any other job out there. Longsuffering must be one of the foundation principles of those dealing with the souls of men and women.

We strive to shape ourselves into the image of Christ, but that old earthly nature reaches out and grabs us everyone once in a while. How longsuffering is our Father? How much does he endure of our foolishing, disobedience and sin? In the times we are most discouraged with our brethren, it is also the hardest to recieve criticism ourselves.

I know that when my emotions run high, I am not very receptive to constructive criticism. I feel entitled to my wrath and discontent. I was reminded years ago by a wise old minister, to allowing myself a cooling off period. When I really wanted to let one of those fire and brimstone lessons go, to shelve it for a few weeks until I could look objectively at my own emotions. It was amazing how many times when I allowed my head to cool off, I changed the language and tone of my message.

The Worship Controversy

Last night we had a healthy discussion of worship at our Summer Series. I appreciate our facilitator's interest in keeping a balanced approach to the topic while insuring that God's will was at the heart of our discussion.

After sorting through the discussion in my own mind, I have a few observations that I hope are worth further discussion.

• Trying to address all the intricacies of worship is not unique to the 21st Century church. Read 1 Cor. 12-14 and you will see the early church struggled with many of the challenges we face today: individual needs in worship, disruptive actions, losing sight of the object of our worship, ect.
• We still struggle with extremes. There are those who believe that God's silence on a subject is authorization to run headlong towards any spiritual expression that makes them feel good and there are others who would legislate every action of every member while ignoring the spiritual side of our devotion (i.e. John 4:24 - Spirit and Truth).
• We struggle with proper application of scripture. There are individual devotions we offer to God as well our collective assemblies. We need to understand the context and how we apply certain passages. I can't tell you how often I have heard "decently and in order" or "weaker brother" misapplied in order to stop something right and good.
  

One thing is for certain. We will continue to discuss, debate and teach on the topic of worship. My encouragement to each and every person is to be more like the Bereans - "recieve the message with great eagerness and examine the scriptures everyday . . . (Acts 16:11).

Without Excuse

"For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." Romans 1:20

God revealed himself to you today. He spoke to you through the creation and made his presence known through the immeasurable riches of His majesty and power. I am always amazed at those who see the thorns on a rose, or thunderstorms on the horizon. I am even more shocked by those who can gaze for hours at a mountain stream, or look into the endless expanse of space only to proclaim "there is no God."

I marvel at the symmetry and architechture of a spider's web, the advance planning and work ethic of the ant and the unparalleled beauty of a wildflower. God carved his initials into the landscapes of the Rockies, and signed his masterpiece with oceans of ink.

In creation we see the hand of an artist, the mind of an engineer, and the heart of a romantic. Every inch of creation demands that something, or someone greater than ourselves is responsible. Through creation the invisible attributes of God are clearly seen.

Does God Speak to You?

Does God speak to you? I am convinced that he communicates with me through lots and lots of avenues. I realize that is a dangerous position. If I don't listen very carefully, it is likely I will project my feelings, emotions and theology onto God. There are a lot of people who claim to hear the voice of God, but I find it very hard to accept their modern day revelations.

So, what do I mean when I ask if God speaks to you. We know He reveals his will through the Bible, but we are mistaken if we think that is the only way God interacts with people. Have you ever had someone speak truth into your life in a manner in which it was most needed? Have you ever stepped up and addressed a matter that needed to be dealt with when no one else would? In each case the messenger could very well be serving as a minister, or spokesperson for the will of God.

Let me put it a little different way. What kinds of things take place in your life that serve to keep you focused, walking in God's will and calling you back to repentance? I can't always explain the correlation, but it has happened far to many times for it to be an accident. I start straying away from my foundations, drifting amidst a sea of complacency and self-will and sure enough something happens to call me back to God. Through his creation, through his faithful servants, through tragedy, heartache and pain God lets me know that I am not on the right path.

Sometimes we hear people jokingly say, "It's a God thing." It really is! We are mistaken if we think God sits idly by without interacting in our lives. I have no doubt that God speaks to me, the problem is, I am not always listening like I should.

Country Club Theology

I have to thank a dear friend (who will remain unnamed) for today's blog. In a compelling discussion of church planting and church growth he talked about the culture and life cycles that some churches experience. The points of reference that follow are not true of all churches, but do characterize those I refer to as Country Club groups.

First, there are the founders or charter members. This group controls the keys to the kingdom. They write the original by-laws, manage new memberships and put "important" controls in place. In country club theology, these are the gate-keepers who watch carefully the growth and expansion of the club.

Next, you have the invitees. These are the folks we love to rub elbows with. I recall working in a small church years ago when a "country clubber" made it clear that there were certain people we didn't need to waste our time on in the community. They didn't have the right pedigree, the right skin color, or a sufficient financial portfolio. It ruffled his feathers more than a little bit when I preached on Romans 1:16 the next week.

As the membership grows you start to get the associate members. They can use the facilities (if they meet all the requirements), but they are on probation. As long as they don't challenge the founders, or seek to change the by-laws, or invite any of those "other people," then they are allowed to circle around the center of the founder's universe.

Finally, there are the observers. They are not observers by choice, but they aren't granted a membership card into the club, can't attend policy meetings, but they are allowed to pay their dues and watch what takes place.

I realize that this not the majority of churches, but if you have ever experienced country club theology then you know just how devastating it can be to the Lord's work. God calls all men to repentance, He wants everyone in the club, and I fear for those who would stand at the gates and block entrance to the eternal kingdom.

Marketing the Gospel?

I recently came under fire for suggesting that a local church focus on their target market. I am not sure if my sin was applying business language to a spiritual concept, or the pre-supposition that I was somehow excluding people from the gospel message. Below you will find three reasons why I make no apology for a focused approach to evangelism.

1. The early church used target marketing. The gospel went first to the Jews and then to the Gentiles. Paul was called as an apostle to a specific, targeted group (the Gentiles). Even early evangelists went to the synagogues to preach (i.e. they took their message to areas where their target audience regularly attended).
2. Targeting a sector of a community (any community) is not an effort to exclude, but to practice effective ministry. We have programs in every church that target specific segments of the community. Marriage classes exclude singles, financial management classes typically appeal to those with money management issues, even in our church families we have singles programs, youth programs, classes divided by age and interest. All of this so we can practice effective ministry. Why, when we apply the same approach to the community is it anathama.
3. Finally, knowing our target audience allows us to more effectively present the gospel message. Take a few minutes and contrast the two sermons in the book of Acts. In Acts 2, the message is being preached to a Jewish audeince. The old law, prophets and writings are used to lead people to Christ. In Acts 17 Paul is preaching to a very different, pagan audience and addresses their false polytheistic view of God, quotes thier own Greek poets, but his objective is the same, to lead people to Christ.

I am not sure why people get a bee in their bonnet when you talk about marketing in a church context. We all do it at some level. I am confident that the motives of most are pure - spread the saving gospel of Christ. I would even suggest that Christian stewardship demands that we pursue the most effective, practical, biblical approaches to bringing souls to Christ.

Radical Faith

Another Sunday, the Lord's Day, our Christian day of worship. I sit watching the crowded auditorim when my focus and attention really should be on God. I sense there are a lot of carbon-copy Christians entering the room. We went through the motions of another week, and now we are about to go through the motions of worship. Maybe I am projecting my own bias, but I see a lot of people who are sitting, completely disengaged from what is going on around them (myself included).

The last few years I have had a dramatic shift in my spiritual paradigms. I haven't drifted far from my core beliefs. I am not ready to run headlong towards spiritual Bablyon, but I do long for the New Jerusalem, the shining city on a hill, a place of refuge where all can come for repentance and restoration.

I remember the day over a decade ago when a man walked into our assembly intent on intimidating those present. The years of drugs and addiction made him a hard, callous man who would just as soon cut your throat as carry on a conversation. He wasn't welcomed, greeted or offered a seat of honor (or any seat at all for that matter). Most people made a conscious effort to walk the long way around the auditorium.

A few months later that man was my brother in Christ. His hair neatly cropped, his heart completely changed. He continued to struggle with the challenges of his past. Members struggled with how to help him, but he was trying, searching and longing for something better than he had known.

For years I longed for a church without problems, now I shudder to think what that mindset means to the salvation of men. The troubled, the heartsick, addicts and outcasts need a safe harbor, a place of refuge from the storms of life. If they are not welcome in our churches, ministered to by the saints, and taught by the faithful - where will they go?

So answer that question for me - WHERE WILL THEY GO?

Finding a Balance

Preaching is hard work! There is the challenge of presenting meaningful, biblical, inspiring messages week after week and month after month. You try to tailor your message to a broad and diverse audience and you have to try to take into account the sensitivities of certain sections of the membership.

All that being said, and after spending more than 30 years in and out of the pulipt, I have my own ideas of what makes for excellent preaching.

1. Be transparent. People want to be taught, inspired and motivated, but more than anything they want you to be real. Those of us sitting in the pew want to be able to relate to our speaker in a real and meaningful way.

2. Provide practical applications. Understanding the importance of faith and learning to walk according to faith are two deeply different issues. When I leave on a Sunday morning, I want another tool to put in my toolbox of life. How can this make me live better?

3. Know your audience. Our churches are now filled with people in second marriages, single parents and step-families. I can't tell you how many "off the cuff" comments I have heard from pulpits all across the country that re-enforce negative stereotypes, bruise sensitivities, or indict whole segments of our church family.

4. Avoid Improvisation. That brilliant illustration or idea that pops into our heads while we are making a point, may not seem so brilliant when it passes our lips. I am guilty of this particular fault and it has gotten me in trouble more than once.

5. Find a faithful critic. You are not looking for someone who is going to kick you every chance they get, but a true friend who will share perceptions from audience. Whenever I speak at a conference, or workshop, I pass out evaluation forms. Honest feedback makes me a better speaker.

So, what rules would you add to these five?

Understanding our purpose

"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

Those words are inscribed on the base of the Statue of Liberty. They are part of a poem entitled, "The New Colossus," written by Emma Lazarus. For decades those words have reflected the hope, promise and opportunity provided within the borders of the United States. People flocked to this country from every nation on earth for freedom, liberty and opportunity. As a result our society has become a melting pot of cultures, people and in many cases problems, but it is still one of the things that makes America great.

I believe this concept reflects what the church is supposed to be. A land of promise and opportunity. A place of new beginnings, restored hope and a unique bond of fellowship. If we embrace the words of Jesus, "Come unto me all ye who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest . . .," then we are inviting those who are different, those who are socially, morally and spiritually challenged. We welcome the quirky, unique and challenging people in our society.

How tragic it is when we so homogenize our worship and our spiritual community that people don't feel welcome. What a shame it is when rather than work with people, teach people and lead people, we simply wash our hands of them. We need to return to doing the hard work of ministering to those who don't fit into our neat little mold of church life.

Veritas

I hadn't been preaching long when an older brother pulled me aside after a sermon to gently correct me. My intentions had been good, but my application of a particular passage of scripture was not accurate. He did not belittle me, or condemn me for the mistake, he humbly corrected me and went on to be a great encouragement to me in ministry.

Our culture is so concerned with political correctness that we are afraid to speak truth into the lives of others. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, it is unloving if we are plain spoken concerning sin. I have to stop and wonder if the reason our society has deteriorated is because so few have the courage to say, sexual immorality is sin; filling our hearts and minds with movies and music that lead us away from Christ is sin; compromising our values concerning the work and worship of the church is sin.

I am not suggesting that we are hateful or unloving in how we present truth. It should always been done in a spirit of meekness and loving kindness. Our desire should be for the good of others, not with the self-righteous indignation displayed by the Pharisees.

My children don't always like it when I call them to accountability for their actions. At times they are frustrated and angry that my standards and expectations for them are set higher than the world. I believe that God has called me to speak truth into the lives of my children whether they are happy with me or not.

But, who speaks truth into my life? Who holds me accountable? Who do I trust to tell me the hard truths about myself? We all need someone like that in our lives. We need brothers and sisters in Christ who love us enough to say, "your behavior is troubling, your conduct is unacceptable, the path you are walking is leading you away from Christ."

Are you open to allowing others to speak truth into your life?

Lighten Up.

A cheerful heart is good like medicine (Proverbs 17:22)

Jane Austen once wrote, "What do we live for but to make sport for our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn." I was reminded today of just how important a laugh or smile can be in lightening our day. I was visiting an old workplace, when a friend reminded me of a prank that had the entire staff in stitches for days.

Looking back at my own life, I have had more than my share of moments when I amused my neighbors (even when that wasn't my intent). There was the time I quoted from the "American Standard Virgin," of the New Testament, or another occasion when I quoted the great philosopher - Socrates (but I pronounced it So Crates). You would have needed to see the Bill & Ted movies to understand.

There are so many funny occassions in ministry that I thought I would remind you of a few, and maybe you can share a few of your own. There was the time a co-worker was standing in the restroom, holding up his blackberry checking his schedule when another worker came in and said, "That is taking multi-tasking too far."

Or, how many times have ministers forgotten to turn off their cordless microphones during private conversations, or trips to bathroom?

One Sunday night I traveled over 150 miles to preach, only to learn that I was scheduled for the following Sunday (yes, they did let me preach that night).

We all need to lighten up and learn to laugh at ourselves. Someone once told me, "If it will be funny later, then lighten up and let it be funny now." How great is it when we can laugh at our weaknesses and missteps rather than be defensive of them.

So whatever else happens today, try to laugh about it. Turn it over to God, and turn your rainy day into a ray of sunshine for someone else.

Why & Wherefore

In science we learn the laws of cause and effect, in human nature we need to learn the laws of why and wherefore. Just as every effect has an adequate cause, every wherefore has an adequate why. All that to say, people do things for reasons and it would serve us well sometimes to stop and ask ourselves why?

• Why did my boss ignore my proposal?
• Why did my spouse snap at me for no apparant reason?
• Why are the kids so grumpy this morning.

Understanding the why behind human behavior can often make a challenging situation much better. If I realize that this is the week that our corporate 990's have to be filed, it makes more sense that my proposal hasn't received much attention. If the kids only slept for 2 hours and haven't had breakfast I am surprised that they are only grumpy and not killing one another.

Sometimes we are too quick to judge the motives and even the actions of others. I am not suggesting that we excuse bad behavior, or adopt the philosophy of situational ethics, just that we strive to have an understanding spirit. What a difference it makes when our character is strong enough to follow Jesus' instructions:

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." (Matthew 5:43-48)

We become most like Jesus when we love those who are unloveable, forgive those who sin against us, and pray for those who do us wrong.

Transformed

This week I was reminded of the words of Paul "to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God for this is your spiritual service. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will" (Romans 12:1, 2).

In the next few days the movie Transformers 2 is probably going to break box office records. I was one of those eager to go see the movie until I overheard a friend mention the strong sexual overtones in the film. Concerned I went to Plugged In only to have my worst fears confirmed. The reviewers had this (and much more) to say about the film, "The first time the Transformers motored into theaters, Plugged In was dismayed by the film's sexual content. This time around, we're appalled." The next seven paragraphs described sexual inuendo, inappropriate dress, suggestive comments and a very open and course attitude towards the entire topic of sex. I understand there is one particularly graphic scene in the movie that is not appropriate for children (of any age).

My point is not to provide a movie review, but to return to Paul's words about "being transformed." Clearly Hollywood's goal is to transform our minds into garbage cans filled with filth and immorality. There is no doubt in my mind that Satan has taken the action thriller of the summer (that every kid wants to see) and has used it to fill their minds with the idea that sex is fun, appealing, appropriate and acceptable - a stark contrast to what Paul tells us in Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."

Plugged In is a great website for reviewing the content of movies and videos. I have always cautioned my children about putting drugs in their body, but at times I haven't been as diligent about the things they put in their mind. Transformers has reminded me of how important it is that we remain diligent.

WORDS

This week I was reminded why words are so powerful, destructive, encouraging, and dangerous. Everything we say, type, text or email has multiple contexts. Most of us have heard the illustration about the man who shouts, "YES, I LOVE YOU!" at his wife. His words say one thing, but the context says something completely different.

Twice in the same day I let my words get away with me. In both cases I should have known better. In the first instance I should have picked up the phone because email is cold and impersonal. In the second, the words had hardly passed my lips that I regretted saying them.

Whether it is marriage, a friendship or working relationships we just can't be too careful when it comes to the words we communicate. I recall a few years back when I got a very stern and "matter of fact" email from a business associate. I was deeply concerned that I had offended him and damaged our relationship for years to come. A few days later when I got up the courage to ask about the situation I learned that he wasn't upset, troubled or irritated with me in any way - it simply was sent in the cold, emotionless sphere of the internet.

So, how does context effect our communication? Here are just a few examples:

1. The tone of my voice or my body language may contradict what I am saying. My wife and children assure me that my eyes often betray my words.
2. Emails leave lots of room for interpretation. Rarely is the tone or emotion correctly communicated.
3. The sender may have sent what would have been a harmless email but it followed other correspondence that left the reader wondering. For example, if I am negotiating a difficult situation with a colleague and tensions are high, anything I write will be read in that context.
4. The recipient of the communication may have received it after having a bad day. Have you ever wondered why someone would over-react by a seemingly harmless comment. It was received at a bad time.
5. The recipient of the communication may have heard something similar in another context. If my boss spent all day questioning my work, I may take offense to something as simple as, "Honey, are you going to take the garbage out tonight." What may be intended to be a simple, honest question might be perceived as a criticism after a hard day.

What is the answer? If I never know how I am going to be perceived? If innocent words can be considered harsh criticisms? If a simple request is going to become an unreasonable demand, what am I to do?

* Apologize immediately! Even if you didn't mean to be offensive, a quick and sincere apology goes a long way.
* Don't get defensive! "I didn't mean anything by it. You are just too sensitive. I can't believe you twist my words that way." Those are all sure fire phrases to get you in trouble.
* Reassure the other person. I am sorry my words offended you. I value your friendship and it is not my desire to do any harm. Please forgive me.
* Be sincere and genuine. Comments like, "I am sorry you misjudged my words," or "I'm sorry I can never do anything right around you," are not sincere apologies. They are carefully crafted phrases intended to throw the blame back on the person who is hurt or offended.

These things are always easy (especially when we sincerely meant no harm), but that doesn't change the other person's perspective. We will never craft all our words perfectly, but that is why humility and forgiveness are such precious gifts.

Pride goes before destruction . . .

Most of us are aware of the words of the wise man, "Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall" (Prov. 16:18). Pride is one of the most insideous of sins. It creeps into our life without notice and then robs us of our influence, example and character.

Someone wisely said, "To truly know a man, watch how he handles success rather than failure. When we fail, our pride supports us, but when we succeed, it betrays us." I have little trouble being humble when life is hard. I am reminded of just how dependent I am on God and how little I can do without Him. It has always been in my successes that my character is most challenged. I tend to get a little too big for my britches, but God is quick to size me up.

Throughout the Bible we have seen the tragic effects of pride. Moses was not allowed ot enter the promise land because of pride; Nebuchadnezzer lost his kingdom because of pride, and Peter denied Christ because he was just so sure he couldn't fall.

Working in the mission field for the past couple of decades I have seen our brethren ruin good men and good works because of pride. We prop men up, we drape them in praise and glory and then wonder why they think they are more important than the work they are doing. I have seen far too many godly men destroyed because their successes betrayed them. I have often prayed for God to keep me humble, but I have not always liked the manner in which that prayer is answered.

A study of church history will quickly remind us that the church prospers in adversity. While I don't wish persecution or hardship on the people of God - there is a sense in which we must always labor for the kingdom. Our commitment to God can be measured in our toil, sweat and tears. May God always challenge our faith, bring us growth through struggles and hardship, and bless us because of our meek and contrite hearts.

Life is Good - Oh Really!

I have been criticized on more than one occasion for being an eternal optimist. That may be true at some level, but I know as well as anyone that Life is Hard. Our journey from cradle to the grave is filled with challenges, hardships and numberless sorrows. I have seen starving children in Africa and Central America, counseled men and woman whose families have been torn asunder by divorce, and sat in the hospital as the doctors told a mother that her four-year old child had died.

I have been known to wallow in self-pity and bemoan the hardships of life. I lifted my eyes to heaven and cried, "Why Me?" and buried my head in my hands and pleaded, "God, help me this one last time." So why would God allow me to suffer through a divorce, losing my job, and betrayal by close friends? - He was preparing me for something greater than myself.

I do not know why the potter shapes the clay the way he does. He presses and prods, twists and distorts until there is a beautiful finished product. Jeremiah didn 't always appreciate the tragedy and hardship he faced in his life! Hosea's heart was torn from him time and again as he struggled to serve his Lord and King. Paul was beaten with rods, shipwreck and cast into a cold, dark prison cell. In every case God was shaping them for service.

God has shaped me into a very different man than I was 10 years ago. I believe that through hardships and struggles he has made me more compassionate, more understanding, more empathetic, and more forgiving. He has smoothed many a rough edge and caused me to reflect on my own inabilty to cope (I must have God in my life to survive).

In hindsight I can now see some of God's plan in my life. God used my life to prepare me for a very different work. He moved me to the foot of the table and placed me in the roll of a servant. LIFE IS GOOD! Not because it is easy, but because God is with me.

Back to Basics

Like most people involved in ministry, I try to read the right books, stay on top of the latest technology and be on the cutting edge of of new trends. With all the research, ideologies and methodologies that are available, it amazes me how often the most effect concepts can be find in basic principles we all know. Allow me to share a few:

1. Love one another. It was Jesus who reminded us, "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13:35). People may not understand all the tenants of the Bible, they may struggle with their perceptions of God, creation, and even moral standards, but one thing they can identify with right off the bat is a loving community. When people know they are loved, then we can teach them, lead them and guide them in their understanding and relationship with God.

2. Do Something. I have seen so many congregations crippled by their inability to act. "We tried that before," or "that won't work in this this congregation," keeps members from doing anything productive. I don't recall who said it, but the quote goes something like this: "Those who never make any mistakes, never make anything." Jesus understood this when he said, "We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day: night is coming, when no one can work" (John 9:4).

3. Watch your tongue. The tongue is crippling in a congregation. It is the single most powerful force for good - or evil. James calls the tongue, "a fire, a world of iniquity" (James 3:6). I recall a situation where I was visiting a congregation in Texas. I was fashioned in all my sartorial splendor, when a good sister came up and said, "You must be a visitor because no one wears a suit around here." Now I was able to laugh it off - but imagine making a visitor feel unwelcome because of what they wear.

All of these things are basic truths we should all know. What a diffrence it makes when we take the time to remember the basics.

Blended, Mended & Tended

It hardly feels like six years have passed since I went through the pain and heartache of divorce. I never dreamed the day would come when I would look back and say, "thank you God for the valleys," but my Father has the amazing ability to turn tragedy into triumph.

There is still a stigma that goes with being divorced - even scriptural divorces. One of the largest hurdles I had to overcome was a sense of failure. I no longer believed that I was qaulified to actively lead in the local church. I withdrew from teaching Bible classes, preaching and engaging myself in the local work. Much of this was self-imposed, some of it was the way I was percieved and treated by others.

We have a responsibility to provide healing to those who are hurting. Many are fearful of ministering to blended families because of the Biblical and emotional challenges that come in dealing with multiple marriages. Part of our mission is to call sinners to repentance (whatever state we find them in).

Blended: I am not sure I am comfortable with the term "blended families." We love to label things. We seem to find comfort in attaching a name to everything (too often a politically correct name). It is a challenge to bring two established families together. You have two value systems, two sets of ingrained habits, two sets of children. In the end those values and practices have to become one. One family, one set of objectives, one value system. It is especially important in the church to be inclusive of all our families (blended families, single parent families, etc.). In creating an environment of acceptance, we invite them into the larger family of God.

Mended: There are so many hurts that come through divorce. Having been through it, I would encourage everyone to be sure that divorce is your final option. Exhaust every avenue of counseling, support groups, prayer and restoration workshops. I have seen far too many adults who have never recovered from the betrayal, heartache and pain of divorce, but for all we experience as adults the destructive nature it has on children can never be fully measured. The family of God is a place for healing. There is great value at times in being broken, but there is also a need to heal. Like any good 12 step program, I believe part of my own mending process has been the need to help others along their journey to renewal and restoration.

Tended: Shepherds are supposed to tend the flock. They can do this directly and they can do this by providing services that help our members. Six years have passed. I am happily married, I have a great family, but at times I still feel the sting. I may run across something I wrote a decade ago about my family, see the effects on my children, or simply mourn over that period of my life. I find comfort in a Christian family who has supported and embraced me without exception. I am not the divorced guy, or remarried, or blended. I am just another servant in the kingdom who is fully accepted by my family.

Far too often our efforts to help those who are hurting are filled with good intentions, but grounded in bad pyschology. We tell people, "don't worry things will get better," or "you just need to get on with your life." Easy to say when you are not the one whose life is unraveling in front of your eyes.

I had two friends who understood mending and tending better than anyone I have ever known. They would take me to lunch just to talk and visit. They treated it like they would any other brother or sister. No questions about how I was doing, no empty platitudes, simply friends being friends. They loved me through the toughest times of my life by treating me the way they always treated me. Their actions said, "you are the same guy we have always known and loved." To them I wasn't fragile, I wasn't broken, I was just their friend.

Tools of the Trade

Every profession has tools that are essential to doing a good job. When I was a kid, I would use a pair of pliers to remove the bolts on my bicycle. My father would remind me to use the right tool for the right job - then hand me an adjustable wrench.

Ministry has changed in the last 25 years. I remember using a hand cranked mimeograph machine to produce church bulletins. I thought putting transparencies on an overhead projector was high tech and will never forget how excited I was when the evangelistic film strips I used were converted to video tape.

Today we are blessed with a host of technological advances. Blackberries, I-Phones and a host of web-based resources. Recently I was reminded of a couple of tools that I believe would be very helpful to those of you in ministry. My friend Shawn Mathis has developed a social network for ministry entitled, The Minister Group. If you are involved in preaching or ministry of any kind I would encourage you to register and participate in the growth of this effort. Shawn has a great track record of successful ventures and I believe that his too will prove to be a great resource.

http://www.theministergroup.com/

In addition, Vista Print is a great resource for small run printed items, business cards, postcards, brochures, etc. I recently joined their resellers program and found that I can help others get great discounts on their printing needs. For more information, you can visit them at:

http://www.vistaprint.com/

or you can contact me at trent.wheeler@charter.net

Making Memories

Wow, just a couple of days until Christmas. Last night a friend posted a note asking about the best Christmas gift I ever received. I tried long and hard to remember the "STUFF" I have received through the years. I am grateful for all of it, but nothing jumped out as my favorite.

As I tried to think back I had a different experience. I remembered events, times shared together, special memories from Christmas. I remember the smell of my mom's chocolate spritz cookies, I remember having water gun fights in the house, I remember Tristan and Alyssa dressing up as pirates just last Christmas day.

I know my family will appreciate the gifts I buy them - they are always good that way. What I really want to give my family for Christmas are memories. I want them to look back and laugh and cry, to remember the fun we shared and memories we made together.

My Atari gaming system has gone the way of the dinosaurs! The skittle bowl set that I couldn't live without entertained me for a couple of months (at best) and even the Legos I played with for years and years have now been outgrown. What will never leave me is the sound of mom's voice on Christmas morning, wrestling in the basement with my brothers and watching sapping Christmas movies over and over again.

Now that all the shopping is over, the hustle and bustle of cleaning, wrapping and preparing is coming to head; stop and make some memories with your children. Take them to Opryland Hotel to see the Christmas lights, rent a funny movie that makes you laugh till you cry, play board games or go for hike around Radnor Lake. Be sure this Christmas to give the gift that will reside in the heart of your family forever.